Guys want to experiment switching sex roles right up until it's time to climax, and then they want to be dominant again. Or that everyone at Epcot is drunk? Have a friend who pays for phone sex? Considering there are people who have sexual fantasies about being shrunken to miniature size and flushed down a toilet , a lot of what I experienced was relatively mundane, but also hilariously contradictory. Continue Reading Below Advertisement Surprisingly, we don't really have a protocol for this type of situation, so I didn't know what to do. That particular honor goes to a man who called one day and asked me to adopt the role of a preteen child.
It haunts me to this day -- I have children myself, and as I said, these were all local calls, so this guy is somewhere in my city. Also, boobs don't do that. Have a friend who pays for phone sex? Click the button below and share the truth about their habit with Facebook. Where this gets weird is that it's followed closely by the desire to hear the operator describe being ejaculated on and thoroughly drenched in man yogurt. Did you know that breeding animals requires a lot of masturbation and not on yourself? I'll go to my deathbed wondering exactly what the hell Diltoe was picturing while I recited his crazy radio play. He never really made clear whether the toe was still attached, or whether this actress was just kind of lying there while I shoved her toe into my unmentionables. If a call comes in that crosses our personal boundaries, we're allowed to pawn it off to a co-worker, but I can't imagine "Hey, anyone want to talk to this pedophile while he masturbates? Of course you do. There are a lot of questions about that scenario that I was always afraid to ask. Every time he called, he wanted to hear me describe, in graphic detail, inserting this woman's toe into various orifices of my body. Considering there are people who have sexual fantasies about being shrunken to miniature size and flushed down a toilet , a lot of what I experienced was relatively mundane, but also hilariously contradictory. That's not surprising on its own, but it seems entirely at odds with the previous 10 minutes you just spent ordering the client to lick your thigh-high leather boots or Crocs, if we ever decided to be honest. Continue Reading Below Advertisement Surprisingly, we don't really have a protocol for this type of situation, so I didn't know what to do. We've got plenty of insight into the oddjobs that millions of people work every day. I won't go into specifics, because this is a comedy website, and I assume you didn't come here to weepily vomit a jet of black despair all over your keyboard, but trust me -- whatever horrors you're imagining aren't far off from what I heard come out of this guy's mouth. And yet guys insist women are confusing. I'm not saying I spent the next week dressed up in crazy street armor like The Warriors, challenging anyone who looked at my kids too long to an ax fight, but I'm not saying I didn't, either. Diltoe was fixated on a particular famous actress; specifically, he was obsessed with her toe. Have a story to share with Cracked? That particular honor goes to a man who called one day and asked me to adopt the role of a preteen child. I had one client whom I nicknamed Diltoe, for reasons that will soon become apparent. We're also allowed to hang up if we want to, but by the time I pulled myself together enough to think it through, I actually tried to play along, reasoning that it was better that he was on the phone talking to me instead of looking for some other way to satisfy his urges. Guys want to experiment switching sex roles right up until it's time to climax, and then they want to be dominant again.
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