Act as spastic as possible. Then drive off as if this is perfectly normal. Women only ask the salesperson to bring you several bras much larger than you're capable of wearing. Leave cryptic messages on the typewriters. Act like a manikin. Have them ask over the PA. Stick price stickers to yourself and lay on the conveyer belt.
Attempt to fit others into very large gym bags. Clip a clip on tie to yourself on your back and walk in and out of the store a bunch of times and see if anyone notices Make a fort Open up a loaf of bread and make yourself a sandwich. Repeat, going to the same cash register, until the clerk notices Make chalk drawings on the walls. Stand transfixed in front of a mirror bobbing your head up and down. Pant in a dressing room When someone asks if you need help, begin to cry and ask, why won't you people just leave me alone? Cheer up a potato Try to not think about penguins This is especially hard, because by trying too much, you remember what you were trying to avoid thinking of. While walking through the clothing department, ask yourself loud enough for all to hear, Who BUYS this shit, anyway? Ask how much for the Big W out front. Look right into the security camera, and use it as a mirror while you pick your nose. Hold desk clerks hostage in the fish section, then threaten to drown em over PA Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift wrap. Buy expensive stuff, go home and use white-out and a pen to change the price to something much lower, and the total much higher, then return and demand a refund. A variation of the game may be played using multiple fitting rooms. Drive around the entrances screaming out the window the British are coming" Sniff at your neighbor suspiciously, give a disgusted frown, and take a step away. Set up another battlefield with G. Run around the store in a chicken outfit and "bwak" at them. Then go up to shoppers and shake their hand. Groan in a dressing room Tell someone that you will sue for false advertising, since they do not sell walls. Sell the store's stuff to people In the auto department, practice your "Madonna look" with various funnels.
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