Such women are often adventurous, and it is that which can make them exceptionally attractive. I wanted to have a separate life in Britain that was unconnected to Japan — I wanted to be in control of my relationship with Japan, to stop and start it as I pleased. However, it is the Western geeky male who genuinely believes he has hit the romantic jackpot in Japan. Indeed, the overwhelming attraction of Western men to Japanese women has over the past 50 years been much commented on. On a daily basis I find something expansive and liberating about living in the same house as someone brought up on a continent on the other side of the world so climactically different to my own soggy island of Britain. Nearly all the heterosexual Western men I know in Japan have Japanese wives. I realize you can find everything in Japanese womanhood, from power-dressing politicians and brilliant authors to tech entrepreneurs. There were several reasons why I started losing interest in dating Japanese women, but the main one was my deepening involvement with Japanese culture.
Having endured undergraduate years in England where I was barely able to find a girlfriend of any description, this sudden transformation of fortunes should perhaps have been enough to have immediately made me seal the deal with the heavenly Japanese girlfriend, who was only too keen to settle down together. Send your views on cross-cultural dating in Japan — and any other comments or Community story ideas — to community japantimes. If my circumstances in life were slightly different — if, say, I was living in a Western country working for a Western firm, or if I was looking to form a bridge to Japanese culture — I have no doubt that having a Japanese partner would add a fascinating extra dimension to my life. Such women are often adventurous, and it is that which can make them exceptionally attractive. My feisty Korean girlfriend was a constant source of cultural bewilderment to me, exploding into a fury if I did not fulfill her strange demands — she once took off a stiletto and hurled it across a train station foyer at me — and yet suddenly switched to mawkish tenderness. Such cross-cultural marriages may have been pioneering in the late s, but these days they are overwhelmingly commonplace. Let me take you back to the beginning, though, when in my mids I came to study and live in Japan as a graduate student. Foreign Agenda is a forum for opinion on issues related to life in Japan. The only way I could truly enjoy and develop my love for Japan, I concluded, was by excluding my love life from that cultural relationship. I wanted to have a separate life in Britain that was unconnected to Japan — I wanted to be in control of my relationship with Japan, to stop and start it as I pleased. Is the fact that I have rejected such a union a sign I crave liberated Western women — even the extreme, ballsy Australian variety — over retiring Japanese girls? Like so many other Western men in Japan, I soon discovered that at the age of 25 I was dating a drop-dead gorgeous Japanese girl of such loveliness that I had to pinch myself to believe she could be interested in my shabbily dressed self. Having a Japanese partner, I repeatedly discovered, unbalanced this sense of freedom. I wanted to head off to the bars and clubs of downtown Osaka and hang out with exciting girls from all over the world. However, it is the Western geeky male who genuinely believes he has hit the romantic jackpot in Japan. I was, I liked to tell myself, a citizen of the world, not a slave and spokesman of Japanese culture. In Japan, Western men have a cachet that seems to far exceed that of Western women, whose romantic life in Japan may perhaps be less advantageous. There are plenty of Western women who find life partners in Japan. When I told him that my significant other was Australian, he laughed at my eccentricity and remarked that in his experience, 90 percent of Western male scholars of Japan, when they had a wife, tended to have a Japanese one. I admire the grace and beauty of Japanese women and am more than aware of their considerable diversity, from demure kimono-clad Kyoto ladies to the unfettered, boisterous personalities so associated with Osaka. Nearly all the heterosexual Western men I know in Japan have Japanese wives. Feminists understandably tut and roll their eyes at the depiction of Japanese women as passive and obedient sirens of sexuality, and occasionally cite the combination of Japanese women and Western men as a classic example of conservative gender roles and cultural stereotyping. The reason, however, that long ago I found myself seldom aspiring to be in a relationship with Japanese girls has to do with the manner in which I connect with Japan itself, a culture in which I have always searched for a version of personal freedom. Indeed, the overwhelming attraction of Western men to Japanese women has over the past 50 years been much commented on. And while having many years ago retired from dating Japanese women, my love affair with Japan grows stronger every year.
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